450+ Tell Me a Joke

Laughter is truly the best medicine, and what better way to lift your spirits than with a collection of over 450 hilarious jokes and puns? Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle, a dad joke to share with friends, or clever one-liners to break the ice, this compilation is designed to deliver joy.

Whether you’re looking to lighten your day, entertain a friend, or create engaging content, this list has you covered. No duplicate content, no filler—just pure, pun-packed fun. Let the laughter begin!

Classic One-Liner Jokes

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Now I live in constant fear.
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
4. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
7. I told my computer I needed a break, and it said, “You seem stressed.”
8. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
9. Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example, I’m going to the closet to cry.
10. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Dad Jokes That Actually Work

1. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine—he woke up.
4. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
5. Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
6. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
7. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
8. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
9. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
10. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

Quick Jokes for Short Attention Spans

1. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
2. I invented a new word: Plagiarism.
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.
4. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
5. Want to hear a roof joke? It’s over your head.
6. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
7. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
8. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
9. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
10. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines.

Puns That Pack a Punch

1. I once got into so much debt that I couldn’t even pay attention.
2. I’m on a seafood diet—I see food and I eat it.
3. Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
4. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
5. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
6. The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.
7. I gave away all my dead batteries—free of charge.
8. I tried to take a selfie with my coffee, but it was too brewsy.
9. My dog’s a genius. I asked him what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
10. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

Clean Jokes for All Ages

1. Why can’t Elsa hold a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
2. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
3. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
4. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
5. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
6. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
7. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
8. Why was the broom late? It swept in.
9. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
10. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

Jokes for Kids That Make Learning Fun

1. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
2. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
3. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
4. Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
5. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
6. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
7. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
8. Why can’t you trust a duck with secrets? Because it’ll quack under pressure.
9. What did the pencil say to the paper? I dot my i’s on you.
10. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.

Office Jokes for Workday Smiles

1. My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
2. I accidentally sent an email to someone in accounting. It was a calculated risk.
3. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
4. I told my coworker to stop acting like a flamingo. He had to put his foot down.
5. Our office printer is a real stand-up comedian—it always jams during punchlines.
6. HR told me I should stop pretending to be a flamingo. I’m legit grounded now.
7. My spreadsheet walked out on me. I guess it couldn’t excel under pressure.
8. My boss says I have a good sense of humor. I guess he hasn’t seen my paycheck.
9. I only take my coffee seriously during office hours.
10. I wanted a raise, but my chair was the only thing that got lifted.

Puns for Instagram Captions

1. Too cool to be punny, but here I am.
2. I’m not lazy—I’m just on energy-saving mode.
3. Espresso yourself before you wreck yourself.
4. Just winging it… life, eyeliner, everything.
5. Fries before guys.
6. Catch flights, not feelings.
7. Having a brew-tiful day. Coffee first.
8. Living my best laugh.
9. My puns are koala-fied to make you giggle.
10. I’m pun-stoppable.

Funny Animal Jokes

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
2. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
3. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
4. Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
5. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
6. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A woolly jumper.
7. Why did the crab never share? Because he was a little shellfish.
8. What do cats like to read? Catalogs.
9. What kind of dog can do magic? A labracadabrador.
10. Where do cows go on vacation? To the moo-vies.

Silly School Jokes

1. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because her students were too bright.
2. Why was the music teacher in trouble? She got caught with too many notes.
3. What do you get when you cross history with math? A bunch of dead problems.
4. Why did the student sit in the middle of the classroom? He wanted to be the center of attention.
5. Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because of the cheetahs.
6. What’s a teacher’s favorite nation? Expla-nation.
7. Why did the student eat his test? He thought it was a piece of cake.
8. What did the science book say to the math book? You’ve got problems.
9. Why did the chalkboard feel embarrassed? It couldn’t handle the exposure.
10. What kind of school do surfers go to? Boarding school.

Corny Jokes for Groan-Worthy Laughs

1. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
2. I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She whispered.
3. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
4. I burned my Hawaiian pizza… I guess I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.
5. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
6. I once swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
7. I gave all my dead batteries away… free of charge.
8. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
9. I hate jokes about German sausages. They’re the wurst.
10. I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex.

Smart Jokes for Clever Minds

1. Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar… and doesn’t.
2. Why did the physicist cross the road? To get to the same side.
3. I asked a chemist if I could borrow some sodium. He said Na.
4. Parallel lines have so much in common. Too bad they’ll never meet.
5. What’s the derivative of Amazon? Prime.
6. I tried to understand recursion… then I tried to understand recursion.
7. Why was the equal sign so humble? It knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
8. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
9. I tried to explain puns to my friend, but he said they just didn’t add up.
10. I love math jokes. They always multiply the fun.

Knock Knock Jokes That Never Get Old

1. Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
2. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? Cow says moo, not who.
3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you, and I miss you.
4. Knock knock. Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you.
5. Knock knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just a joke.
6. Knock knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!
7. Knock knock. Who’s there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it’s pointless.
8. Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome.
9. Knock knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream every time I see a spider!
10. Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?