100+ New Year Puns and Jokes on Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with love, laughter, and countless moments to cherish. Humor is one of the most powerful tools to strengthen relationships, bringing couples closer through shared smiles and giggles. From witty wordplay to lighthearted banter, marriage jokes and puns can brighten even the dullest days.

This article brings you 100+ marriage-themed puns and jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for decades, these quips celebrate the humor in wedded bliss. So, get ready to laugh your heart out and share the joy with your loved ones!

Marriage Jokes That Will Make You Chuckle

Marriage is like a walk in the park—Jurassic Park! 🦖
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 🦩
I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been giving me lately. 😏
Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with that logic. 🤷‍♂️
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are. But I laugh more. 😂
The secret to a happy marriage? Two TVs. 📺
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens. 😅
Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too hot for one person but too cold for the other. 🛌
My wife’s cooking is so good, even the smoke alarm cheers her on. 🔥
They say love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. 👀

Puns About Wedding Bliss

The groom always brings his A-game to the “altar” ego. 🕊️
She told me to meet her halfway. I brought the aisle. 💒
My wife and I have a great connection—we’re “tied” together! 🤵‍♂️👰‍♀️
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Later, you wish for a club and a spade. 🃏
Love is in the air, but marriage is in the “wear and tear.” 🛠️
A wedding is just a funeral where you smell your own flowers. 🌹
My wife wanted to renew our vows. I told her, “I vow to still do the dishes.” 🍽️
Getting married is easy; staying married is pun-derful! 💑
I proposed to my wife at a bakery. I knew she’d say “I dough!” 🍩
My wife says I’m terrible at keeping secrets. Well, she’s my partner in “crimeony!” 🕵️‍♀️

READ ALSO: New Year Puns and Jokes on Wife

Funniest Husband and Wife Jokes

My wife told me to stop being immature. I told her to get out of my pillow fort. 🏰
Behind every angry wife is a husband who has no idea what he did wrong. 🤔
My husband asked if he could have a little peace and quiet while he cooked dinner. So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm. 🔕
Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband. 😜
My wife asked me to take her to the most expensive place I know. I took her to the gas station. ⛽
The key to a successful marriage? A husband who listens, and a wife who pretends he does. 🎧
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. 🤗
My wife said she wanted more space. I locked her outside. 🌌
When my wife sings, I always join in. It’s the only way to stop her. 🎤
I told my wife to embrace her inner child. She told me to grow up. 👶

Lighthearted Takes on Married Life

Marriage: The only war where you sleep with the enemy. 🛡️
My wife says I have two faults: I don’t listen, and something else. 🤷‍♂️
The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once. 📅
My wife told me to take her somewhere expensive. So, I took her to the dentist. 🦷
In marriage, you only need three words to survive: “You’re right, dear.” ✅
My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop quoting Star Wars. I said, “May divorce be with you.” 🌌
Marriage is all about compromise. I admit I’m wrong, and my wife agrees with me. 🤝
My wife has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then, she stops to breathe. 😅
I told my wife she draws her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. 😲
Marriage is like a fine wine—it gets better with age… until someone drinks it. 🍷

Puns for Couples Who Love to Laugh

My spouse and I are like puzzle pieces. We fit together perfectly, but sometimes we’re missing something. 🧩
Marriage is about finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 😜
My wife and I are inseparable. Mainly because she has the car keys. 🚗
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers—and a good Wi-Fi connection. 📡
Marriage is like Wi-Fi. You find the strongest connection, but sometimes it drops. 📶
I love my wife, but she’s always stealing the covers. She’s a real blanket statement. 🛌
My wife said she wanted to spice up our marriage. So, I bought hot sauce. 🌶️
Marriage is like a seesaw—it’s all about balance, and sometimes someone falls off. 🤸‍♂️
My wife said I should be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car. 🚗
They say opposites attract. My wife and I prove that every day. ⚡

Laughs About Wedding Planning

Wedding planning is just arguing over what the guests will eat. 🍽️
I wanted a small wedding, but my wife wanted something bigger. So, we compromised—she got her way. 💍
The most stressful part of a wedding? Pretending to like the in-laws. 😬
I told my wife we should elope. She said, “Too late. I already invited 300 people.” 🎉
Wedding cake is just proof that married life is sweet and crumby. 🍰
I asked my wife what theme she wanted for our wedding. She said, “Expensive.” 💵
The best man speech? More like the roast of the groom. 🗣️
My wife wanted a destination wedding. I suggested the living room. 🛋️
Wedding planning is like a roller coaster—ups, downs, and lots of screaming. 🎢
The groom may be the star of the wedding, but the bride is the whole galaxy. 🌌

Everyday Humor in Marriage

My wife told me to sort out my priorities. I said, “You’re number one… after football.” 🏈
I gave my wife a mood ring. It turns green when she’s happy and leaves a red mark on my face when she’s not. 💍
My wife and I are soulmates—she’s the soul, and I’m the mate. 😅
Marriage is the only sport where both teams can win—or lose. ⚽
My wife has a way of making everything better… by telling me how I’m doing it wrong. 🤦‍♂️
I told my wife she’s one in a million. She told me I’m one of a kind—thankfully. 🙃
Marriage is a workshop. The husband works, and the wife shops. 🛍️
My wife and I have an open relationship. She opens the bills, and I close my eyes. 📄
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 👓
My wife told me to stop exaggerating. I almost died laughing. 😂

Anniversary Jokes

Our anniversary is a time to celebrate… and to panic because I forgot the gift. 🎁
Every year, my wife and I renew our vows. She vows to love me, and I vow to try harder. ❤️
My wife wanted diamonds for our anniversary. I got her a deck of cards. 🃏
For our anniversary, I asked my wife what she wanted. She said, “Nothing.” I got her nothing, and now I’m sleeping on the couch. 🛋️
A successful marriage is all about forgetting the past—especially the arguments. 🤐
My wife and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage. It feels like 10 minutes… underwater. 🌊
I told my wife she completes me. She said, “You’re incomplete without me!” 💕
We celebrated our anniversary with a candlelit dinner. Then the power came back on. 🕯️
Our anniversary reminds me of how lucky I am… to still be alive after all these years. 😅
My wife asked if I remembered our anniversary. I said, “Of course! It’s today, right?” 😬

Relatable Marriage Puns

My wife and I finish each other’s sandwiches. 🥪
Marriage is a bond so strong, even the Wi-Fi can’t compete. 📶
My spouse is my rock… especially when I need a paperweight. 🪨
I told my wife she’s my better half. She said, “You’re my other half-wit.” 😜
Marriage is like a mirror. It reflects everything, even the bad hair days. 💇‍♀️
My wife is the peanut butter to my jelly. She’s smooth, and I’m always in a jam. 🥜
They say marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I handle 100% of the lawn, and she handles 100% of the remote. 🌱
My wife says I’m too predictable. I told her I’d prove her wrong tomorrow. 🤔
Marriage is a duet where one sings, and the other listens… sometimes. 🎶
My wife and I are on the same page. It’s just a different book. 📖

Parenting Jokes for Married Couples

Parenting is like a marriage boot camp—except you can’t quit. 🍼
My wife and I agreed to split parenting duties. She does the hard work, and I cheer her on. 👏
Marriage gives you a teammate for life; parenting gives you a tiny boss. 🧸
My wife says I’m great with the kids. That’s why I let her handle them. 😅
Parenting is when you realize your marriage arguments were just warm-ups. 🎭
My kids asked how I met their mom. I said, “I blinked, and now we’re all here.” 🤷‍♂️
Marriage is about love; parenting is about survival. 🏕️
My wife says I’m a great dad. I told her, “Thanks, I learned from the best—you!” ❤️
Marriage gives you someone to share life with; parenting gives you someone to share your snacks with. 🍪
I asked my wife if parenting gets easier. She said, “No, but you get used to the chaos.” 🌀