Let’s be honest—bagels are already a gift to humanity. But do you know what makes them even better? Puns. Silly, doughy, pun-filled joy that’s perfect for sharing with your friends, or just cracking yourself up at brunch.
Whether you’re into everything bagels, poppy seeds, or just the glorious hole in the middle, this article is stuffed full (like a bagel with cream cheese) of the funniest, most pun-derful jokes about your favorite carb.
So grab your schmear and let’s roll!
Bagel Puns for Breakfast Banter
Wake up and giggle over your morning bagel. These puns are light, fluffy, and toasted just right.
- You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a bagel.
- I dough-n’t know what I’d do without you.
- You’re my hole world.
- This is bready ridiculous!
- Let’s not get toasted over this.
- We’re just two halves of the same bagel.
- Don’t be so crumby!
- Rye not make every morning punny?
- You’re really on a roll today.
- I’m totally loaf-struck.
Cream Cheese Jokes That’ll Melt Your Heart
Let’s get creamy. These jokes are the perfect topping to your already funny bagel.
- That joke was cheddar than expected.
- You make my heart melt like cream cheese in July.
- I’m spread too thin for this.
- Life’s too short to skip the schmear.
- Say cheese! No, really—say it.
- Whipped into shape!
- You’re my favorite kind of spread.
- Feeling blue? Just add some cream cheese.
- I’m not mad, just softened.
- Schmear happiness wherever you go.
Everything Bagel Puns for Every Mood
Because everything bagels don’t judge, and neither do these jokes.
- I’ve got everything I need right here.
- Feeling salty and seedy today.
- You’re my favorite mix of chaos and crunch.
- Garlicky smooth!
- Some days are poppy, some are not.
- I can’t onion-derstand you sometimes.
- No need to flax about it.
- You’re totally my flavor.
- I’m everything you never knew you needed.
- A bit much? I prefer “everything.”
Hole-Larious Bagel Jokes
The hole’s the soul of the bagel. Let’s honor it properly.
- You complete me—except for the hole.
- Life feels empty without you.
- I’ve got a hole lotta love for you.
- What’s missing? Just a tiny round bit!
- Some people are just full of holes.
- Feeling a little emptied out today.
- I’m whole without the hole.
- It’s what’s missing that makes it perfect.
- Hole-y moly, that’s funny!
- Let’s fill this hole with laughter.
Bagel Love Puns That’ll Make You Blush
Because love and bagels go hand in hand.
- I’m bagel-ing for your affection.
- I love you more than carbs.
- You’re my butter half.
- Let’s roll into forever together.
- You’re the schmear to my bagel.
- You make my heart go poppy.
- We go together like lox and cream cheese.
- Love at first bite!
- You’ve got me toasted.
- Let’s never split—unless it’s a bagel.
Brunch Bagel Jokes to Share at the Table
Perfect for that lazy Sunday with friends, orange juice, and laughs.
- Brunch without bagels? Un-brie-lievable.
- This is what dreams are baked of.
- Brunchin’ and munchin’.
- We brie-long together at brunch.
- I’m just here for the bagels.
- Sunday fun-day? More like bun-day.
- The yolks on you—I’m getting seconds.
- This mimosa pairs well with bagel puns.
- Bagel brunch: because toast is boring.
- Let’s raise a toast—to bagels!
Poppy Seed Puns That’ll Make You Smile
These tiny seeds are packed with punch—and puns.
- Feeling poppy today!
- I’m seedy, but sweet.
- Small but punderful.
- Just a sprinkle of silly.
- Sesame street’s got nothing on me.
- You look like a snack—with poppy seeds.
- I’m not seedy, I’m seasoned!
- Little things make big laughs.
- That joke popped off!
- You’ve got a poppy-lar sense of humor.
Rye-Not Puns for Bread Enthusiasts
When bagels go rye, the puns get better.
- Rye so serious?
- This is my jam.
- Rye can’t I stop laughing?
- You’re my grain of sunshine.
- I’m having a loaf-ly day.
- You butter believe it!
- Things are looking grain-t.
- Bread-y or not, here I come!
- Get this wheat-y party started.
- Let’s roll with it.
Toasted Jokes to Warm You Up
Hot bagels, hotter puns. Let’s get toasty.
- Too hot to handle!
- I’m on a roll—literally.
- You make my heart feel toasted.
- Don’t be a cold bagel.
- That joke was fire!
- Turn up the heat.
- Nothing like a warm pun on a cold day.
- Keep it crispy.
- Feeling golden brown inside.
- Toast me gently, I’m fragile.
Bagel Jokes with a Side of Sass
Because bagels can be a little bold, too.
- Don’t be salty unless you’re a bagel.
- I’m not your basic bread.
- Schmear me like one of your French girls.
- Got a problem? Bagel about it.
- I rise above the drama.
- Sprinkle some sass on it.
- I knead you to chill.
- Lox and loaded!
- Don’t mess with my dough.
- I’m crusty before coffee.
Bagel Job Jokes That Totally Work
Laugh at your 9-to-5 with these career-ready puns.
- Bagel boss mode: activated.
- Rolling in dough—literally.
- That meeting was a real schmear-tastrophe.
- I’m spread too thin at work.
- Hole lot of emails today.
- Climbing the bagel ladder!
- Teamwork makes the bagel work.
- Let’s get this bread.
- Feeling a bit over-toasted.
- My job is everything (bagel).
Bagel Birthday Jokes for Celebrations
Time to party with some hole-some humor.
- It’s your bake-day!
- Let’s get this party rolling!
- You’re the cream cheese to my bagel birthday.
- Age is just another hole.
- Blow out the candles, then eat the bagel.
- Let’s spread some cheer!
- Time to get loaf-ed.
- You’re everything and more today.
- Have a poppy birthday!
- Stay toasty, birthday babe.
Lox Puns That Are Totally Hooked
Smoked salmon fans, this one’s for you.
- I’m totally lox-ed in.
- Let’s lox and roll!
- Hooked on your love.
- You’ve got me reeled in.
- That’s one fin-tastic combo.
- Lox and loaded!
- You’re my catch of the day.
- I’m reel-ing with laughter.
- Fishin’ for compliments?
- Just call me the lox whisperer.
Bakery Jokes That Rise Above
Bagels don’t just appear—they’re baked with love.
- I’ve got a rising reputation.
- Proof’s in the pudding… or the dough.
- Baking news!
- I’m kneaded here.
- Let’s make it a batch to remember.
- Dough not disturb.
- Time to roll up my sleeves.
- Feeling yeasty!
- Bake it ‘til you make it.
- Whisking you a great day!
Punny Pick-Up Lines for Bagel Lovers
Flirty, funny, and full of flavor.
- Are you a bagel? Because you’re everything I want.
- I lox you a lot.
- Let’s dough something together.
- You had me at cream cheese.
- You rise me up.
- You’re hot and toasted.
- This schmear was meant to be.
- We’re the perfect mix—like an everything bagel.
- You butter believe it.
- Wanna share a bagel and some laughs?
CLICK HERE: Nut Puns and Jokes
Bagel Puns for Instagram Captions
Upgrade your foodie photos with the perfect pun.
- Bagel-icious! 🥯
- Rolling into the weekend like…
- Schmear me up, Scotty.
- This is my jam (and cream cheese).
- Hole-y vibes only.
- Brunch goals: achieved.
- Toasting to good times.
- Seize the bagel.
- Just a lil’ carb loading.
- Crust me, it’s worth it.
Kid-Friendly Bagel Jokes
Perfect for lunchboxes and giggle fits.
- What did the bagel say to the toaster? I’m feeling the heat!
- Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little “bread”-ucation.
- What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Rollerblading!
- What do you call a sleepy bagel? A “naptart.”
- Knock knock! Who’s there? Bagel. Bagel who? Bagel your pardon!
- What’s a bagel’s favorite movie? Dough Wars.
- What did one bagel say to the other? Stop loafing around!
- How do bagels greet each other? With a high-toast!
- What music do bagels love? Rock and roll.
- What did the bagel do when it won a race? It took a victory roll!
Punny Bagel Sayings for Signs and Boards
For cafés, brunch parties, or just your kitchen board.
- Bagel me crazy!
- Life is what you bake it.
- Let’s dough this.
- A day without bagels is just crumby.
- Bready or not, here I come!
- All you knead is love.
- Rise and shine—it’s bagel time!
- Toasted and unbothered.
- You’re the lox to my bagel.
- Keep calm and eat bagels.
Animal Bagel Jokes for Extra Fun
Because even animals love a good pun.
- What’s a bear’s favorite bagel? Everything… rawr!
- What do owls eat for breakfast? Hoo-ted bagels.
- Why did the dog sit on the bagel? He wanted a hot dog bun.
- What’s a cat’s favorite topping? Meow-stard!
- Why did the squirrel hoard bagels? They were nuts for them!
- Fish + bagel = perfect lox.
- What do cows put on bagels? Moo-stard.
- Birds love their bagels toasted and tweet.
- A bagel walks into a zoo… and blends right in.
- Even alpacas know: fresh bagels only.
Holiday Bagel Puns to Celebrate
Festive puns? We’ve got those too.
- Have a hole-y holiday!
- Deck the rolls.
- Bagel bells, bagel bells…
- The toast of the town this New Year!
- Rollin’ into Christmas.
- Gobble up the bagels!
- You’re on the bagel-nice list.
- Toasty tidings to you!
- Cream cheese and cheer.
- Winter roll-derland.
Bagel Puns for Every Mood
Because there’s always a bagel pun to fit your day.
- Feeling hole again.
- Life’s tough—get a bagel.
- Let it dough, let it dough!
- You’re baked to perfection.
- This is my “everything” era.
- Rise, shine, and shmear!
- You can’t make everyone happy—you’re not a bagel.
- Rolling through the drama like…
- Spreading good vibes like cream cheese.
- Stay crusty, friends.
